Birthday Sparks

Sometimes, after a highly anticipated experience, the following day can seem hum drum. Blue, even. Not so today.

I sashayed my way into 28 years old this weekend and woke up today with a sense of purpose. Nothing fancy, just cleaning up the weekend festivities, but purpose can be a powerful force even in small doses.

Today I cleaned the kitchen. Today I washed and folded laundry. Today I picked up the living room. All with this inexplicable sense of peace. Cleaning & Peace rarely walk together in my house. While the last load of laundry tumbled around the dryer, I took my “Mama Only” beach chair outside and sat with my magazine. Talk about luxurious. My heart was full to bursting and creativity was lighting sparks inside my brain faster than I could jot them down in Evernote. Life on fire. Is there a storm coming?

Yesterday morning we said goodbye to Daniela as her mom loaded her up in the car for a Spring Break cruise to the Bahamas. I am giddy with the fun she’s having. Not only is this her first cruise, but her first international trip – excluding a trip to Peru when she was six months old :) As excited as I am for her, it’s disconcerting to be so far away from my baby. The only other long distance trip she’s gone on without us was to Nevada. Same country, same big ole chunk of land. Today she’s at sea, heading for Grand Turk Island where she’ll be docking early tomorrow morning. Marco started getting uneasy when he was preparing her travel document, but I saw only the adventure in it. He maturely researched emergency care and international insurance coverage while Dani and I shopped online for swimsuits and sandals. I wasn’t worried about her being an ocean away, it was all too exciting. But as I watched that car drive away, and heard the clock tick closer and closer to her ships departure time, I began to feel that parental concern kick in. I found an app that tracks cruise ships and I’ve been watching that sucker all day long. Ha!

One day they’re these teeny tiny babies and the next thing you know, they’re in the middle of the ocean on spring break. Yes, I understand she’s not, like, on her own out there, but she’s still so far away!!!! It just reinforces the fact that soon she will be taking spring break vacations on her own. And we all know what those look like. Little by little we relinquish control as they grow up, and we have to trust that we’ve raised them to make good decisions. It’s as if I got a quick preview of what’s coming and it gives me the opportunity to fine tune my parenting. Sometimes I get so caught up in the day to day parenting that I forget to look at the big picture. What am I teaching her today that will make her a more compassionate, loving person when she’s grown? What am I teaching her today that will keep her from midnight- beach-bonfire-stripping games? Fun as they may be.

Throughout all this, I still feel an inward calm. My surface energies are shooting off here and there, but my inner self is strumming along, content. It’s the first time I’ve felt different after a birthday. I’m living well. Living joyfully.