Adoption: Supply and Demand

Adoption: Supply and Demand

May 15, 2013 by · Leave a Comment

Soooooo. Anyone else read this post on adoption ethics by Jen Hatmaker? It’s a doozy. Read it. It’s right here, or you can click on the picture below.

Jen writes a post about the ugly side of adoption. The unscrupulous ways business people in 3rd world countries are meeting the US’s demand for adoptable babies and why this is abhorrent. I was going to just link the article to Facebook, but more people need to see this. It breaks my heart, but knowledge is power. Power to think, power to change, and power to BE. I have scores of friends who’ve recently adopted children and I love them all tremendously. Their littles are entirely blessed to be in their forever families and I could never, for even a moment, consider that there was something shifty in their adoptions.  But I see where opportunistic people can create supply for money and it makes my heart so sad.

Tara is a (real life!) friend of mine who blogs at MommyHaha. She posted an essay a while back about her adopted daughter’s first steps and how many mixed emotions were coursing through her. She said something to the effect of how proud she was of her daughter, but how sad she was that her birth mom was missing all these moments. That stopped me in my tracks. I’d never given any thought to what birth moms were missing. For obvious reasons, adoption PR has always focused on the child’s new life. Not the family that was left behind or the circumstances behind it. Tara’s compassion and love for her daughter’s birth mom speaks volumes of her heart and I thought of her immediately when I read Jen’s post. I also thought about how much a post like Jen’s could hurt adoptive parents’ hearts. No one wants to think that the beautiful child they prayed for and loved and brought home could have a mama far away who mourns her decision or ignorance. It’s too terrible to dwell on for long.

And of course I want to stress that this is not always the case. Diligent parents do their homework when adopting and bring home kids without a chance of reunification. But it’s scary to think of the why behind “no reunification”. Do me a favor and read the post. Be informed. Hold space for those coerced or misinformed mamas, and absolutely watch for the second part of Jen’s post.

 

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Filed Under: Bravo on, Community, Family, Learning, Women Tagged With: , ,
Friday Randomness

Friday Randomness

March 15, 2013 by · 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking a lot about empowerment and rules and speaking life into kids lately. Until I sort all my thoughts out in my head, I want to share a few quotes that have started to spark a direction to the thoughts. I fully plan on Daniela and I memorizing the first and at least frequently reading the rest of  them, they’re that good :)

Via a text from one of the most awesome people I know and get to call family, Tyrna. Before that it was Pinterest :)

Via Jada Pinkett Smith on her daughter Willow’s hair cut. 

Via Hannah Brencher, who rocks life. 

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And of course, our Friday Phone Dump! Hashtag your Instagram photos #ltbtl if you want to get in on the fun Fridays :)

Daniela gets back from her cruise this weekend and I am so ready to squeeze her and never let go!!! Enjoy your weekend!

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Filed Under: Bravo on, Faith, Kids, Parenting, Women Tagged With: , , , , ,
Magic Elixir

Magic Elixir

January 31, 2013 by · 2 Comments

Today I saw my health guru. She’s simply divine. Sometimes she’s my doctor and sometimes she’s my shrink. Other times a friend and cheerleader. Today she was all of the above. Her office is nestled into this enchanting little garden, smack dab in the middle of Sarasota. If the arched, wrought iron gate doesn’t give it away, the flowers growing wild against the winding brick pathways will surely let you know heaven is close. It’s an instant oasis inside those gates. Koi ponds, wind chimes, hidden alcoves; it’s a life-size fairy land. No joke, it’s for real.

I walked in today stresssssssed beyond reason and handed myself over to her. I think a little piece of God inhabits her healing because she always knows what I need. Always. She’s a gem.

We talked, she listened. I relaxed, she massaged, acupuncture-ed, and cranialsacral-ed. I breathed. We hugged.

I walked out refreshed and rejuvenated, as cliche as it sounds. A better version of myself. The one who can tackle life’s issues with grace and poise. The one who stays one step ahead and keeps everything running smoothly. Sometimes I forget that me really is inside and not drunk in a corner somewhere.

She’s a magician, I tell you.

And it’s a really good thing too, because in a moment of overachiever insanity last night, I signed up to volunteer with two different community outreach programs every week AND decided to finish my masters degree. Not just the “Oh yeah, I think I’ll finish” kind of decided. I’m talking the FASFA filled out, start March 4th kind of decided. Lord have mercy.

I blame it on my blogging friends. They all have these “word of year” things going on and I’m just like huh? Let go. Love more. Just go! Words that they are structuring their lives around. Little mantras, if you will. They’re all so motivated! If they were actual real life friends I could just be like yeah, good for you! But they’re more colleague/professional friends so of course that ups the ante a bit. I was thinking about that last night when I rashly decided my word would be goals. This would be the year I volunteered more. This would be the year I go to that writing conference I always want to attend. This would be the year I finished my masters. This would be the year I go batshit crazy. 

I can do it though. I bought a 2013 re-fill for my organizer, fondly known as Isadora to my family. (Yes, years ago I named my organizer). I know I can do it. It’s all about organization. And the health guru. She’s the magic elixir in this crazy year of goals. Wish me luck!

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Awkward

Awkward

October 5, 2012 by · 6 Comments

Blended families are prone to awkward moments. There is really no way around it. Regardless of your role in your blended family, those please ground, swallow me! moments are going to happen. Let me tell you a story.

One day about three years ago I was having a super productive day in our home office. I rolled out of bed and headed upstairs and was just on fire with accomplishments. I was super woman. This lasted all through lunch and well into the early afternoon. About 3:30 I decided to take a break. I’m a big believer in spending a few minutes outside in the sunshine every hour, so I had some serious catching up to do. Now, when I said I rolled out of bed and went upstairs, I mean that very literally. We’re talking no make up, wild hair, and quite certainly bad breath. Tank top and blue Target pajama pants with little whales. Well, all of our neighbors (at least the ones in our cul-de-sac) work at these fancy get-dressed-up-to-go-to-work places so I wasn’t really concerned about a quick jaunt to the mailbox with the dog. I swung open the front and came face to face with Daniela’s mom. My husband’s ex wife. Now, it doesn’t matter that we’ve been married much longer than they ever were. It doesn’t matter that he and I are deliriously in love. It doesn’t matter that I am a super confident woman with great self esteem. When you run into the first wife, you want to look flawless. Needless to say, we were both beyond startled and just kind of stared at each other. I quickly realized how unkempt I was and did the only thing I could think of to do. I started coughing. (Bahahahaha!) Years of getting out school “sick” kicked in and I gave a performance worthy of an Emmy nod. She was just leaving some things outside that Daniela had brought to her house and was equally surprised/horrified to see me in such a slovenly state. She quickly apologized, wished me health and wellness, and was on her way. I shut the front door and found Marco, telling him that I ran into Daniela’s mom outside. He looked at me with a flicker of mirth in his eyes and said “Oh babe, come here. You look like shit”. I could not stop laughing. In the name of complete and utter vanity, I made sure to look extra classy the next few times I saw her.
Awkward moments are bound to happen, blended family or not, and the best way to get through them is with your head high and a good sense of humor. A glass of wine doesn’t hurt either.

Moral of the story

Happy weekend to you :)

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Filed Under: Blended Families, Women Tagged With: ,

Bye bye comfort zone

July 8, 2012 by · 1 Comment

So, Monday is my first small group. I led one for little girls last year, but this time I’m leading one for grown ups. grown up women. gulp.

I have never been a big fan of women’s groups or conferences or retreats. I’ve always seen too much judgement and forced emotion in those circles.  It’s just not for me. My very best friend is a boy I met in high school. I have few close girlfriends, but the ones I choose to do life with are pretty spectacular (: All that to say, hosting a women’s small group is  t o t a l l y  out of my comfort zone. In fact, it was one of those spur of the moment, I-feel-like-God-wants-this-so-I’ll-sign-up type of things. I’m probably suppose to be all leader-like and say I’ve prayed over it for weeks and that I’m expecting God to show up and weave bonds of sisterhood between us, but that’s a bunch of crap. I just want to get through the group with as few awkward silences as possible. In fact, if no one showed up at all I’d be just peachy drinking my tea and enjoying the silence. Honesty, people. Try it sometime.

There is this teeny tiny part of me that wants some amazing things to happen though. It’s that 5% of me that signed up in the first place. I have been watching the small group list come out for years and it’s struck me as odd that with a church our size, I’ve never seen a small group for blended families. I’ve toyed with idea of starting my own, but always brushed it off. I don’t have time. I’m really just flying by the seat of my pants in my own family, I don’t really know anything about blended families. Marco works so much, he wouldn’t have time. Blended families can be weird; what if I don’t like the other people? For one reason or another, this year I actually did it. I signed up — with a twist. It’s true, Marco doesn’t have time to host a small group with me and I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing a family group without my ummmmmm, family. Duh. So, I settled on leading a small group for blended family moms. good lord have mercy.

Two things here:

1. I originally wanted to do it for step moms, but was a teensy bit worried that it would turn into one big bitch session and I’d be powerless to stop it. Ok, ok, really I’d be too into the gossip to stop it. It’s all about prevention.

2. By bringing in the other moms — i.e., the “real” moms — I think it gives us step moms a better glimpse of how they see us. I mean, let’s be honest, if I was doing something unintentionally offensive, I’d be more prone to correct it if the advice came from a mom other than Daniela’s. That’s just human nature. Bottom line, moms and step moms can learn a lot from each other and the result is a better blended family! Who can say they don’t want that!?

Before you ask, the answer is no. No, I have not extended an invitation to Daniela’s mom. I’ll get there, but I’m not there yet. No shame. I want this group to evolve into something bigger than me just giving my own story before I invite Dani’s mom. Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to hear her side of our story! I really, truly would — but judging by past experience I think #1 that she wouldn’t come, and #2 that if she did, any awkward group newness would scare her away. When that time comes, I’d like to have a support system there for her. People that I know will welcome her and click with her and giver her a place in the group to belong. The new group-ness is hard enough for me in my own home, it would be a huge feat to survive it in her home. Does that make sense?

And yes, I know there’s a chance she could be reading this. Talk about awwwkward. But that’s life, right? We put ourselves out there and hope the other person is brave enough to see through the differences and admit to the similarities. Birth mom, step mom, adoptive mom, foster mom, heart mom. We are all women doing our best in this life and celebrating each little triumph. This group is gonna kick booty and you can sign up here if you feel so inclined.

But honestly, feel free to bail on the small group — I won’t mind (;

 

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Filed Under: Blended Families, Bravo on, Women Tagged With:
July 1, 2012 by · 1 Comment

Oh yes, it’s been one of those night ;)

#noshame

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Spiritual Leadership

Spiritual Leadership

June 21, 2012 by · 5 Comments

 

Our first Homeless Outreach w/ Bayside Community Church

I’ve spent the majority of my life believing in certain roles that a husband and wife should adhere to in the family structure. For example, the “spiritual leader” (my Baptist speak is coming out, sorry!) in the home was to be the husband. “Spiritual leader” was a burden that women should not and were not made to carry — but Marco didn’t really agree with me. Don’t get me wrong, Marco loves God. God is the basis of our family, and Marco is the one to point me back to God when I start to lose faith in His timing. All things considered, however, I am (generally) the one who makes the final decision in “God matters”. Which church we joined? We tried several, but I made the final decision. Small groups? I made that decision. Serving in the church? I made that decision. At first I didn’t see it that way, but one day it hit me that I was the “spiritual leader” in my home, and it made me quite uncomfortable. I grew up in a church that was basically complementarian — a church that believed men and women are equal, but that they have different roles. For instance, a woman may teach a Sunday school class, but is not allowed to preach a Sunday service. She may give a testimony from the pulpit if asked, but is not permitted to speak in authority “over” men. I never questioned that role or the basis used to determine it. This background conflicted with my realization of my role in the family and I began praying that Marco would take over. I felt that we were in need of a role reversal, if you will. I wanted him to make sure we attended church on Sunday. I wanted him to suggest a new small group. I wanted him to take the role of spiritual leader. I sat down with him and he didn’t understand my issue with a women being the spiritual leader. He offered to be better about doing those things, but really felt like I was better equipped to do so. I stood staunch and felt like pushing him was the right thing to do.

Then Holly Wagner entered my life.

{Backstory} We attend Bayside Community Church in Bradenton, Florida. I really believe that Bayside is changing the greater Bradenton/Sarasota area for God. That was the first truly life giving church I’d attended and I felt awkward and out of place with the open, sincere, life giving atmosphere. I felt exposed. I was used to my formal, stark, Baptist church upbringing where I could smile and fake my way through service out of habit. I had never worshipped with authenticity. It was mind blowing. Anyway, I’ve attended Bayside for 5 years and just a few weeks ago was the first time I’d seen them invite a woman pastor to speak. On a Sunday. From the pulpit. Like…preach a sermon. A woman. Whoa.

Right off the bat I liked Holly. She was out there. Fun, but a little crazy. I didn’t know what to think. She co-pastors a church in California and falling back to my complementation background, I assumed that her husband was lead pastor and she was assistant. Nope. She is the lead pastor. *Mind Blown* I liked the idea, but it was going to take some time to digest. It made me squirm a bit. My upbringing was flashing red warning signs. To be quite honest, I don’t remember what she spoke about. I just remember the fact that she spoke, and God used her. From a pulpit. On a Sunday.

A month ago I stumbled upon Unladylike: Resisting the Injustice of Inequality in the Church by Pam Hogeweide. It stayed on my nightstand for a while until I finally found myself picking it up (I totally had to finish Fifty Shades first) ;) It was about 20 pages in that my chest started going tight and I found my breathing picking up. I realized that I was praying for the wrong thing. I can totally be the spiritual leader in my home! Maybe I have been fighting the role God wants me to take up. I truly believe that gifting is spirit based, not gender based. For those unfamiliar with the term, I believe that God gives each and every person a gift — maybe even several that overlap. A better and more thorough explanation is Discover Your God Given Gifts by Don and Katie Fortune.  For example, I am an exhorter with high compassion. Not usually two gifts you see together. I’m weird ;) I am gifted with speaking out, but I have enough compassion to (most of the time) keep from hurting people’s feelings. He made me curious and inquisitive. He also made me outspoken with my questions. He gave me the characteristics and giftings necessary to lead my family. He also gave me the opportunity to do life along side a man who’s strong enough to support me in this role. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for a woman who’s husband fought against it. I thank God for a husband who encourages me and my independence. Who rallies with me and my dreams. Here I was, bemoaning the fact that I have to be the one “in charge” of the “church stuff” and all along God was saying “I made you for this! Don’t fight it, I want to use you in this capacity! Open your eyes! ” At this point in my life, God has made me the “spiritual leader” in my home(for lack of a better word — I really don’t like the connotations it entails). I’m sure this will make a lot of readers uncomfortable, but I’m beginning to embrace it. It’s always a struggle to change a viewpoint but were getting there. With my luck, though, by the time I get there — it will be Marco’s turn. :)

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Filed Under: Faith, Family, Love, Marriage, Women Tagged With: ,
The {un} giveaway ;)

The {un} giveaway ;)

June 7, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I think we’ve established with the laundry soap exhibit that I’m slightly different than the rest of my human counterpoints ;) Another case in point? I don’t like blog give aways. WHAT!?  They just annoy me. When I navigate to one of the few blogs I follow and get all excited about a new post only to see a give away I feel cheated! It’s just not my thing — I’m nuts, I know.

All that being said, I have a giveaway. shut up! Backstory: I have been looking into how the church portrays women and the role they play inside the church. A good friend of mine brought this up to me and shed some light on an issue I had (quite frankly) forgotten about because it’s a non issue at my own church.

But what he said kept bouncing around in my head and my feministic, rebellious, teen angst-y side started the inner dialogue. I am still doing my research and refining  my thoughts, but in the course of my research I came across this book: Unladylike: Resisting the Injustice of Inequality in the Church by Pam Hogeweide. In a true blonde moment, I managed to order two of them. I am too lazy busy to actual return one of them, so I’m giving it away. Email me with your name and address if you would like it, first come first served.  ChristiMadrid {at} gmail dot! com. Please make the email subject Unladylike. It’ll raise some eyebrows if my husband sees a bunch of emails titled Unladylike ;)

I am very much looking forward to delving into this book and reviving a subject that I used to be much more openly passionate about. AND, since kiddo is out of school and spending the next 2 weeks at her moms house, I have plenty of time (ha ha) to sip a cup of tea and lounge around the house. Because you know women who don’t work outside the home have SO much more time on their hands ;)

 

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