It always happens this time of year; that sense of motherly love and trepidation. There is just something about watching your child in a classroom that both swells the heart and shakes it to it’s core. I thought it would get easier after kindergarten but I’m here to tell you kindergarten mommies that it doesn’t. Not in the least. Even though we know her teacher and 90% of the kids & parents in her class, it doesn’t get any easier.
Kids, no matter how well intentioned, can be mean! They reflect the biases and prejudices of their parents and are learning to push boundaries within friendships. That scares me!
As I stood at the classroom door this morning and watched Daniela unpack, it hit me that this is our last year in elementary school. I mean, I knew it before, but it really hit me! I had to go all hollywood glam and put my sunglasses on in the hallway so no one would see the tears threatening to spill (:
I worry about Daniela and her sensitive little soul. I worry that someone will hurt her feelings and she will bottle up the hurt. Last year we started a little bedtime ritual. We lay our heads on the pillow and tell each other the little worries on our hearts. We get them out and release them so that they don’t build and become bigger worries. Daniela worries about things I never did at her age. She worries about growing up. She worries about moving out for college. She worries about losing — no, that’s not the right word — She worries about taking her childhood for granted. That’s some real heaviness for a 10 year old. But by talking about it, she’s able to get it off her heart and hand it to me. (She loves the idea of being young enough that Mama Christi still takes her worries for her)
I know I can’t protect her forever — and truth be told, I don’t want to. Some of life’s biggest lessons are taught through hurts and mistakes. But right now she’s only 10 years old and just one short school year away from middle school. Her backpack is still bigger than her for pete’s sake! So this year, we’re going to journey through her worries together. I’m not going to take them completely from her, but I am going to teach her how to handle them so that when she’s away from our protective family bubble, I can rest assured that she is confident in herself.
No, I don’t have any real pictures of the first day of 5th grade. Forgot the camera. kicking myself all day.