Happiness, Frustration, & a Birthday

I had a totally different post planned for tonight, but it’s just going to have to wait. My girl stole my heart again tonight. We’re about half way through our bedtime routine when Daniela tells me that her sinuses are bothering her. I grab our homeopathic drops and go to town. A little under her tongue, a bit of peppermint oil on her temples, and lavender on her wrists. She sighs and says “Mommy, when I grow up and have kids I’m going to have to call you every minute of every day! Seriously! You know how to take care of all my hurts without using anything bad for me and I’m never going to remember it all when I have kids!”

Besides the fact that this is the first time she’s entertained the idea of growing up without moody anxiety, (fist pump!) this little sentiment just made my heart and tear ducts swell. She was just gushing gratitude and it turned into the sweetest 15 minutes of snuggling and talking.

We talked about things we learn from our moms and how we incorporate them into our own families. We talked about how special it is that she is going to have me and her mom to go to when she needs advice. We talked about what it really means to be a mom — and we also talked about how tough mothering can be. I think mothering is a big misconception in a lot of circles. It’s damn hard. And while people always tell you it’s hard, they never really explain what “hard” looks like. They don’t tell you that there will be times you lock yourself in the bathroom and just cry. I was never told that there will be levels of frustration I never knew existed and that it will take everything in me plus some not to tear that math homework into shreds because I’m so effing tired of the attitude it’s giving my child. When Daniela becomes a mom, I don’t want her to be taken off guard by the brutal, emotional chaos that being a mom can look like. I want her to be prepared so it doesn’t sideswipe her like it does a lot of moms. Those afternoons where you swear the children are out to ruin your life. Because let’s be honest, children are selfish little monsters a good majority of the time. It’s a natural behavior that we endeavor to reverse with patience and love and as few parent melt downs as possible.

But the flip side of that coin is moments like this evening. The love that just radiates and shines because this little tiny human expressed love and gratitude for you just being her mom. The times when you let bedtime slide a bit because snuggling under the covers and listening gives you a glimpse into the inner workings of this beautiful child who awes and baffles you.

I want Daniela to know that the hard times are worth it. The hard times are nothing compared to the overwhelming love and pride and devotion for your child. Though i did not have birthing pains with her, our relationship came with a different set of pains and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Daniela summed it perfectly when she was six years old. She told me, “I was never in your belly, but I was ALWAYS in your heart.”

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And speaking of mothering, my mom had a birthday beginning of the week! Growing up, birthdays were always a huge freaking deal and I loved every second of them. Alas, she lives uber far away from me now, but my fabulous sister in law and I managed to coordinate a pretty rad gift (:

And from the wonderful sis in law we have these :)

Look at that little blonde head!! That’s my show stopping-ly gorgeous nephew (: And see them? We totally personalized a set of dinner plates for her — complete with obnoxious notes on the back. 4 out of 6 were amazing. My brother and husband decided they would turn “birthday plate making” into a competition. We expected nothing less.

Happy Birthday Mom! We so wish we could have been there to celebrate with you. We love you and miss you <3