Spiritual Leadership

Our first Homeless Outreach w/ Bayside Community Church

I’ve spent the majority of my life believing in certain roles that a husband and wife should adhere to in the family structure. For example, the “spiritual leader” (my Baptist speak is coming out, sorry!) in the home was to be the husband. “Spiritual leader” was a burden that women should not and were not made to carry — but Marco didn’t really agree with me. Don’t get me wrong, Marco loves God. God is the basis of our family, and Marco is the one to point me back to God when I start to lose faith in His timing. All things considered, however, I am (generally) the one who makes the final decision in “God matters”. Which church we joined? We tried several, but I made the final decision. Small groups? I made that decision. Serving in the church? I made that decision. At first I didn’t see it that way, but one day it hit me that I was the “spiritual leader” in my home, and it made me quite uncomfortable. I grew up in a church that was basically complementarian — a church that believed men and women are equal, but that they have different roles. For instance, a woman may teach a Sunday school class, but is not allowed to preach a Sunday service. She may give a testimony from the pulpit if asked, but is not permitted to speak in authority “over” men. I never questioned that role or the basis used to determine it. This background conflicted with my realization of my role in the family and I began praying that Marco would take over. I felt that we were in need of a role reversal, if you will. I wanted him to make sure we attended church on Sunday. I wanted him to suggest a new small group. I wanted him to take the role of spiritual leader. I sat down with him and he didn’t understand my issue with a women being the spiritual leader. He offered to be better about doing those things, but really felt like I was better equipped to do so. I stood staunch and felt like pushing him was the right thing to do.

Then Holly Wagner entered my life.

{Backstory} We attend Bayside Community Church in Bradenton, Florida. I really believe that Bayside is changing the greater Bradenton/Sarasota area for God. That was the first truly life giving church I’d attended and I felt awkward and out of place with the open, sincere, life giving atmosphere. I felt exposed. I was used to my formal, stark, Baptist church upbringing where I could smile and fake my way through service out of habit. I had never worshipped with authenticity. It was mind blowing. Anyway, I’ve attended Bayside for 5 years and just a few weeks ago was the first time I’d seen them invite a woman pastor to speak. On a Sunday. From the pulpit. Like…preach a sermon. A woman. Whoa.

Right off the bat I liked Holly. She was out there. Fun, but a little crazy. I didn’t know what to think. She co-pastors a church in California and falling back to my complementation background, I assumed that her husband was lead pastor and she was assistant. Nope. She is the lead pastor. *Mind Blown* I liked the idea, but it was going to take some time to digest. It made me squirm a bit. My upbringing was flashing red warning signs. To be quite honest, I don’t remember what she spoke about. I just remember the fact that she spoke, and God used her. From a pulpit. On a Sunday.

A month ago I stumbled upon Unladylike: Resisting the Injustice of Inequality in the Church by Pam Hogeweide. It stayed on my nightstand for a while until I finally found myself picking it up (I totally had to finish Fifty Shades first) ;) It was about 20 pages in that my chest started going tight and I found my breathing picking up. I realized that I was praying for the wrong thing. I can totally be the spiritual leader in my home! Maybe I have been fighting the role God wants me to take up. I truly believe that gifting is spirit based, not gender based. For those unfamiliar with the term, I believe that God gives each and every person a gift — maybe even several that overlap. A better and more thorough explanation is Discover Your God Given Gifts by Don and Katie Fortune.  For example, I am an exhorter with high compassion. Not usually two gifts you see together. I’m weird ;) I am gifted with speaking out, but I have enough compassion to (most of the time) keep from hurting people’s feelings. He made me curious and inquisitive. He also made me outspoken with my questions. He gave me the characteristics and giftings necessary to lead my family. He also gave me the opportunity to do life along side a man who’s strong enough to support me in this role. I can’t imagine how hard it would be for a woman who’s husband fought against it. I thank God for a husband who encourages me and my independence. Who rallies with me and my dreams. Here I was, bemoaning the fact that I have to be the one “in charge” of the “church stuff” and all along God was saying “I made you for this! Don’t fight it, I want to use you in this capacity! Open your eyes! ” At this point in my life, God has made me the “spiritual leader” in my home(for lack of a better word — I really don’t like the connotations it entails). I’m sure this will make a lot of readers uncomfortable, but I’m beginning to embrace it. It’s always a struggle to change a viewpoint but were getting there. With my luck, though, by the time I get there — it will be Marco’s turn. :)